Friday, November 5, 2010

Life as an addict

Greeted by an amazing sunrise outside my unit the other day.

"God, Give us the grace to accept
the things we cannot change, 
Courage to change the things we can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
The serenity prayer; a well known entity in the lives of alcoholics and addicts everywhere.

Today I am celebrating the fact that I have been a non-smoker for six whole months! I truly never thought I'd survive this long without smoking but I have... and I am so. flippin. proud. :)

There have been so many moments that have tested the very core of my being. Moments where I have had to realize that well.... this is how life is for me now.... this is the life of a recovering addict. 

I may not have been a raging alcoholic or an out of control drug addict.... I used tobacco, but I would bet that the internal struggles are the same in any addiction. 

You crave it, you want it, nothing else seems to matter.... but you refuse to let it control your life any longer.  

You choose to stay free.... every. single. day.

I have learned that just because I want to smoke... does not mean I have to or should... and even on the days where the weight of it feels unbearable... I know that choosing freedom is more important... choosing life is more important.... choosing to fight for me is infinitely more important.

So, today I celebrate freedom again and today I celebrate the new Andi that has emerged during these past few months. The runner in me is very, very thankful for that.
Here's to another clear, deep breath and many, many more to come!
Right before the finish line of my first half marathon!