Dickies Scrub Top Review and Coupon Code to Uniformed Scrubs!

A while back I was contacted by a rep at UniformedScrubs.com about testing out one of the Dickies scrub tops for their new spring line. I love Dickies so I had no problem with that. :) They sent me a brown, scoop neck top that had some interesting little details to it. Most of the time I tend not to pay too much attention to my scrub tops. I figure as long as they don't make me look huge or like I work in a quilt shop I'm okay. I will admit though that this top was of really good quality (no surprise with Dickies) and it felt nice to wear a soft, comfy material that actually had some tailoring in the design. Everyone at work noticed it and was like "Oh, Andi you're actually looking girly and cute today!" haha 

Don't mind the pictures. I wore the shirt twice just to get a good feel for it and I remembered on the way out the door to work the second time that I should probably snap a few photos to post on here. To make it easy I'll do my pro con list (which I do for almost every decision of my life) ...

Pros:                                

Super Soft Material

Tailored to not look like a box (unlike most scrub tops)

Quality make that feels like it will last 

Huge front pockets that fit a ton of stuff

Cute details that people actually notice

Cons:

Scoop neck is wide enough that a sports bra will show through (see above photo)

Capped sleeves feel constricting (see photo below) and a little too girly for my taste

  

All in all any Dickies Scrub Top is a solid investment for any nurse. I have always loved their brand and this was no exception. My only issues are related to the style of the top and that would be more in my control if I was the one doing the shopping... which I might have to do because Uniformed Scrubs gave  me a coupon code to hand out to all of my wonderful blog readers!

A couponer like me gets way too excited about such things...

If you are looking for some new medical scrubs head over to uniformed scrubs and check out their Dickies line... 

at checkout enter in "trueblue" which is 15% off until July 31st 2013.

Happy Shopping Friends!

Dreaming of...

I have only three classes left before I officially earn my BSN and I cannot stop dreaming about life on the other side of school...

 Days in the country far away from the bustle of daily life

 Summer clouds and rays of sunshine

 Road trips down Highway 5 with golden hills for miles

 Grandma's deck where the sun kisses your cheeks and the flowers remind you to smile

Aqua water and cool mornings on the California coast

What are you dreaming about?

Something good...

 This week... this week has just been too heavy. There has been this weight resting on my chest. Like a vice slowly closing in on my lungs. Each breath feeling tighter and tighter. I feel paralyzed by it sometimes. A hollow shell of exhaustion.

This week I helped try to resuscitate a code blue patient for nearly 6 hours. Blood products, intubation, lines.. the works. And then watched as his family stumbled into a room with trash strewn everywhere and every known machine in the unit packed into the room... and blood... so much blood streaming from this mans mouth and nose and all over the sheets... so much that 15 units of blood products didn't save him. His belly taut and distended, full of god knows what. I watched as the resident told them that their loved one was dying... and that we have nothing left to do. I watched as they sobbed and shook their heads in shock and disbelief.

I remember my first death in the ICU... it was peaceful and uneventful compared to the usual in my unit. A simple transition into another world. I went home after that death and I cried and cried and cried. I couldn't grasp that this person who was loved and cherished and had memories and a life... that this person was just now gone and I had somehow witnessed this sacred passage. 

And yet this week, I came home and felt tired and alone. Knowing that there are very few people in this world who truly understand what it is like to do what I do. I felt like I had no words for what had just transpired and so instead I said nothing. I shed no tears. I posted a short comment online hoping it would make me feel better and it didn't. Then I turned on the news and continued to be barraged with the horror that has transpired in this awful week. 

This week has been horrible and I am tired and I don't want any more news of terror or death or fear and hatred. I want hope. I want joy. I want redemption... 

So as I drove into work last night and passed our flag at half mast. I paused for a moment and thought to myself. Today I will do something good. Despite the weight on my chest, and the pit in my stomach... I will still do what I am called to do. Because today... today is a beautiful day to save lives.

This one really hit home...

Our marathon maniacs traditional group photo at this years race

Today, I woke up around 4pm and went about my evening as usual. Jumped in the shower. Called my MIL after seeing a missed call from her on my phone. And then after I got mostly ready for my work night, I checked Facebook and instantly saw it. My entire news feed was filled with updates from my running buddies who were all either sharing their sadness about the Boston Marathon or were trying to get in touch with those that were still MIA. I frantically started searching the news to discover what had happened and my heart just sank. This deep fear and sadness overwhelmed me so much... I had so many friends who were there. I saw the finish time clock as the bomb went off and I instantly thought... "Oh no I know so many who would be finishing right around the 4 hour mark." One of the bloggers I follow was just a 1/2 mile from the finish line when the bombs went off. 

Luckily, everyone I know is okay. All of our marathon maniacs accounted for and all of my running friends are still here and safe. Still, I can't shake this sadness deep in my being today. The running world is a strange group... a tight knit family where people from all walks of life come together in support and solidarity for the love of this sport and ultimately a love for each other. I am proud to be apart of it and I am so thankful for all of the people who have been apart of my journey as a runner over the years. 

My heart goes out to those that were lost and those that are critically injured. I know for so many that their lives will never be the same. My prayers are with you all. Tonight I will run and I will pray for safety and peace and comfort for all of us impacted by the events in Boston today.

Black Hawk Down

I have been a nurse at a Veterans Hospital for almost four years now. It is hard to believe that it has been that long. I haven't hesitated to say, especially lately, that this job of mine is not an easy one. Most of the time the difficult moments seem to out weigh the rewards. Still, every time I think about leaving this place I hesitate, and there is this scared, sinking, feeling in my stomach that tells me not to go. This overwhelming sense that this is where I am supposed to be right now. 

Last night, Chris and I watched Black Hawk Down and there was this moment at the end where Eric Bana's character says,

"When I get home and people ask me,'Hey, Hoot, why do you do it, man? What are you? Some kind of war junkie? I won't say a goddamn word. Why? They won't understand. They won't understand why we do it. They won't understand that it's about the men next to you. And that's it. That's all it is."

That hit home for me. I have said that so many times when I talk about our vets. The patients that I take care of are often a messed up lot. They have substance abuse problems, estranged families and multiple diseases as a result of self neglect and risky behavior. Of course some don't, there are some who are amazingly healthy and well adjusted, but sadly those are rare occurrences. Especially now that we are heading into the Vietnam war era of patients. PTSD is a given and many of these guys have some horrible experiences that no one else would understand but the guy in the room next to them. 

One patient told me a while back that he didn't even know what the Vietnam war was really about until a few years ago. His job was to retrieve dead soldiers out of the brush after major battles had occurred. That same guy also had newly diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia that was so bad he later threatened me and told me I was trying to kill him by inserting poison into the air filtration system. 

That was a relatively good day on the job ...just to give you an idea of what I mean by difficult. 

My job is exhausting ...and it wears you down ...and makes you feel powerless a lot.

But when I see movies like Black Hawk Down ...and when I see the 25 year old with half of his skull removed from an IED blast ...that is when I remember why I do this job. I don't always love it but I am always proud of it ...I am proud to fight for the soldier who fought so bravely for the guy next to him. 
I sacrifice a lot of sanity and a lot of myself for this job but I wouldn't have it any other way right now. 
Right now, I am proud to be a VA nurse.

Babies and Adulthood

I don't know about you, but in my neck of the woods it seems like everyone around me is either pregnant or just had a baby. Everywhere I turn ...at work, the blogs I read, friends ...so many babies and pregnant women around me. The second Chris and I got married the "So, when are you guys having kids?" questions came pouring in. To be honest, for most of my life, I did not want children and actually that was a huge discussion between Chris and I at the beginning of our relationship. For the most part, I had raised my younger sister and I felt like I had already done my job. I also always have this fear in the back of my mind that I just won't be able to handle being a parent. The sacrifice just seems to be too great and I'd rather not bring another little person into this world unless I was absolutely dying to take care of one.

I can confidently say that right now, I am not in any way dying to take care of another human being. Anyways, being an ICU nurse in a busy VA hospital, I feel like that is all I do these days. Between work and school I can barely keep afloat with basic things like sleep and a normal social life. The thought of being pregnant and then raising a child sounds impossible.

Still, there is this anxiousness in me whenever I see yet another pregnancy announcement. I'm 28 years old so it makes sense that this is the time when people are starting to settle into family life ...I remember having the same angst when everyone around me started getting engaged and married. Even when I wasn't looking to get married there was still this part of me that felt ...left out, I guess? Now, I think I'm afraid that some day when I actually am  ready to have children, that the time will have passed and we won't be able to have them or that it will just be too late. This dissonance in my life of knowing that I am not ready to have kids at all but that I guess maybe this intense feeling that I should be?  I know it will most likely be years before we decide to start a family because there is just too much to do before then, but I just can't figure out how to calm that nagging voice in the mean time. 

Vacation

This week I have been off of work and I have to admit that it has been a somewhat strange week. I've been waking up every morning and going straight to work on homework and school stuff. Between the multiple papers, quizzes and reading assignments, I have had plenty to keep me busy every. single. day. It has been boring and exhausting all in the same breath.

 Luckily, I have had the chance to catch up with some friends that I rarely get to see, which has been nice. My old roommates came over and we played mouse trap and clue and had an awesome dinner (burrito bar!)

 I have been obsessed with my brand new Blendtec blender and have been making green smoothies practically twice a day.

Chris and I went to see Jersey Boys, which was THE BEST. I usually am not a huge fan of musicals... loved performing them in high school and what not but I just could never get into watching them ...but Jersey Boys... I could see that one a few times over it was that good. Before we saw the show we stopped into a really cute diner, which I thought was fitting considering what we were seeing. :)

 All in all, its been a really good, productive week. Also, this is the first time in four years that I've been able to sleep like a normal human being without sleeping pills for longer than a week! So jealous of you day shift people! I have a few days left of vacation and I am definitely dreading going back to work, but for now I am really thankful for the pause button on all the stress. :)