Friday, May 7, 2010

Day 2

Today is my second day into quitting smoking. I've been here before and yes, this time it is completely different (thanks to the miracle drug Chantix). There is no doubt in my mind that this is the last time I will be quitting, but it is still hard. I got about 2.5 hours of sleep last night. Finally fading off around 4:30am, then waking up and seeing 7:12am on my clock...not fun. Insomnia is just part of the deal. As is irritability, a complete lack of focus, hypersensitivity to seriously everything (I woke up and cried for absolutely no reason this morning)and the worst one...a massively increased appetite. Strange though, cause when I take the Chantix I get nauseous and I don't want to eat at all and then I get a craving and I want to do nothing but eat. Ugh, there goes any chance of weight loss.

The first day was actually GREAT. I was truly shocked. I felt revitalized and happy to be finally free of something that has been controlling me for so long. I slept really well after coming home from work and even my drive home wasn't bad at all (I used to chain smoke in the car). My friends came over and we put together a 1,000 piece Disney puzzle which was incredibly satisfying and therapeutic. I was so proud of it I took pictures.

And the finished product...minus the one missing piece

It was seriously great and I really felt so hopeful about this being MUCH easier than I expected.

But was it different. I'm super emotional (hence the crying) and I am annoyed by everything and everyone. I've had a headache all day and been completely out of it and there have been countless moments where I think, "Oh yes! After my friend leaves I can go outside and smoke." It's that fleeting moment where you forget and you get excited....then reality sets in and you remember that you have to learn to live life without the thing that truly defined your it just all blends in together and I feel really lost.

I'm tired and grumpy and despite the fact that my house is a complete disaster and I have a ton of chores to do, I could care less because I have no energy at all. Nothing feels satisfying and I feel like crawling under my covers and just staying there for a few days. Seriously this quitting smoking thing is exhausting and I feel like I was just hit by a freight train.

But then... I walk into my living room and I see this...

and I can't help but smile because I am incredibly lucky. I am so blessed to have the friends that I do and at the end of the day, no addiction, no cigarette can replace the joy I get from having them in my life.

So, instead of being angry and frustrated for what I can't have, I'm choosing to be thankful for what I do have.

Here's to conquering day 2!

What are you thankful for?

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