Saturday, July 17, 2010

Where do you belong?

Lately, I've been evaluating my life as a single person. I've been reading a book called, "Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After."

It's a great book and I've really been enjoying having someone stand up and shout to the world that single people are no less valuable or worthy than married people. I think women all too often, find their worth, value and validation in marriage. Not only that but I think people have a huge misconception that single people are pitiful, lonely and pathetic (so not true!).

Well, maybe you don't think you see it that way, but let's be honest... how many of you engaged or married gals would admit that when you met your significant other it was a sigh of relief and a huge boost in your self confidence and self image?

NOT that I value marriage any less...I'm just sayin'...
Yet, I digress...that is not the intent of this post... I have much more to say on that topic ....but it's still mulling around in my head and I've got to sort it out for myself first before I word vomit it to the internet. :) Trust'll thank me for that later.

What I really want to know is....

Where do you belong?

or rather....

Where do you find your sense of security? Your sense of belonging and acceptance?

Is it family?

Is it friends?

A significant other?

Or maybe even a job?


In service activity?

Or a combination of many things?

Please do share...there are obviously no wrong or right answers and I'd love to hear from you all!


  1. A sense of security. Hmm. My mom for sure. My house. T. From being able to do things for myself.

    I wouldn't say I was relieved to have found someone or that it was a boost in my self confidence. Rather, I didn't meet someone worth my time and love until I felt self confident and worthy myself first. I think that confidence attracted the right person for me. :)

  2. Britt, wonderfully put! I think that is the key. Love yourself first and know that without a doubt you are worthy of being loved... makes for a beautiful relationship when two self-assured people come to together to love each other with that security. :) Thanks for responding!

  3. At the risk of having an unpopular opinion, I honestly feel most secure when my "family" is intact. That is, my former family, my soon-to-be-ex-husband and my kids. As a single mom for the past three years, through some pretty bad circumstances, it's been brutally tough to come to terms with my "new life". On the flip side, I also think that maybe I needed this time to do things on my own, to give my self-esteem a big boost, and to realize that I deserve better than what I settled for the first time around.

    I find security in having that one person, who knows you inside and out, who knows what you're thinking, even sometimes before you think it. Someone who is willing to let me dream and discover and be me. While my first husband was by no means perfect, or even, dare I say, a GREAT husband, we had a connection that couldn't be denied. I don't have that security anymore.

    Having met the new guy I'm dating, I do have to admit that I have a surge of confidence, as you mentioned. Can't help it.

    I find security in my kids, who I know have turned out the way they have mostly because of me and my actions. Who show me every day that I need to simplify my life, but that I'm also loved unconditionally.

    But more than that, I find security in the combination of the two. I used to tell people that I was born to be a stay-at-home-mom. I wish it weren't true, but that's the role where I feel most comfortable.

    It doesn't mean I feel insecure a lot of the time. But I definitely miss that true fullness that I used to have.

  4. @ Naturally Single Mom Thank for responding! It sounds like you haven't had it easy (me neither) but if anything I hope you do know that you deserve to be loved truly, whether you are in a relationship or not...a stay at home mom or not. I hope you do find security in your family again someday, but most of all I hope you know you are worth it.

  5. You are very sweet. :) And all of those sentiments right back at you! :)