Why I decided to run 26.2 miles.

"Stillness must begin in the heart. It is a decision, an active choice, to become still, to still your soul. Sometimes, it is as if there is a bunch of monkeys in the tree-which-is-your-mind; and you will not still them by shouting. If you speak quietly and gently- peace will result." ~Celtic Book of Prayers.

I found this quote on one of my favorite blogs recently. Be Still and Know, a mother and physician and soon to be missionary in Africa, writes about her life and daily struggles raising a daughter with non-verbal learning disorder. Truly a brilliant writer... she has a way with words that reaches out and tugs at your heart strings. Check out her blog if you get a chance!

But I digress... 

As I was reading this quote on her post the other day I began thinking about that stillness. That silence is something I have been longing for recently. When I first began running last May, I dove into it head first out of complete desperation. I let go of one of my most feared demons... my addiction to nicotine and if I didn't keep moving I was terrified it would overcome me at any moment. So I ran... I ran to avoid that deafening silence; to avoid my brokenness. I then discovered that when you run... there is nothing but silence. Just you and your thoughts, flowing to the rhythm of your own two feet. It became cathartic and for the first time in a long time, I felt at peace with myself. At peace with the woman I was becoming. I ran my first half marathon and overcame one of my greatest fears. I also immediately decided that one of my life long goals of running a marathon was completely out of the question. 

"NO way in hell will I EVER do that twice in a row!" I thought as I ascended the freeway home.

Two days later I was already researching marathons that I could run in the upcoming year. I was hooked.
I found a training program that included walk breaks. Jeff Galloway became my personal coach and for every 5 minutes of running I included 1 minute walk breaks. I bought all the right gear, CW-X compression pants, garmin watch, interval timer, multiple pairs of running shoes... the whole bit. On June 5th I will be running my first marathon and have already decided to do another one, two weeks later and another one just a month after in SF. Yup... that's three marathons in the span of 90 days. I will officially become a marathon maniac this year! 

Today I ran 12.5 miles and it was incredibly hard... it took me 2.5 hours, my knees hurt, my legs are sore and I can barely descend down the stairs to my parking lot. Nearly three months into training and I am realizing that it is the silence that is the best and worst part of marathon training. Running such a long distance... you get to a point where your entire body begins to wither and your mind is telling you, "Enough Already!"

You become completely exhausted.... broken even and although you feel as if you cannot take a single step further... you keep going... you keep going to prove to yourself that you can. To push through the pain of it all because you know that in the end you will be re-built as a new person and that the discipline will bring you one of the most amazing accomplishments a runner can ever have.

Finishing 26.2 miles.

Today I ran 12.5 miles without the crowds of people cheering me on. Without music because my phone ran out of power. Without someone telling me, "Keep going... you're almost there!" I ran until my legs felt like jello and then I ran some more.

Today I ran 12.5 miles with nothing but silence and even though it was incredibly difficult... and even though I felt pain in every fiber of my body... I had the joy of knowing that despite my brokenness...
 I can overcome.

Now that is something worth running a marathon for.