If you would have asked me a few weeks ago to describe the perfect guy... I probably would have used words like confident, quiet, introverted, serious, strong, charming, determined and disciplined.
In the past my "type" of guy has always been the kind of guy you'd see in the military... I've always had a tendency to go for the real "macho... smooth talker" types.... you know the kind? The guy that all the girls are in love with and the one who just knows how to make you fall in love with him instantly. I've learned that most of the time if the guy is a smooth talker it's because he's had a lot of practice in telling a lot of women just what they want to hear. I almost always go for the guys that I have a ton of chemistry with.... a ton of chemistry and absolutely no trust. And what usually ends up happening is I'm blinded by those initial butterflies and that passionate draw towards someone and I fail to see the signs that this might not be the kind of guy I want to get into a relationship with.
To put it bluntly... I'm good at falling in love with jerks.
When I first met Chris he was not on my radar at all... there wasn't that typical "spark" of chemistry I'm so used to having with the guys I end up having feelings for. A long time friend of my roommate, Sam he would come over occasionally and all I thought was, "This guy is crazy!"
He is the opposite of anyone I've ever dated and the opposite of the typical guy I usually go for.
He's extremely extroverted and loud... especially when he is in groups. He's very social and goofy and funny. He's easy to be around and not pretentious by any means. He's incredibly genuine, honest and intense in his own way. When it comes to Chris... what you see is what you get.
A few weeks ago, during an online conversation we were talking about the new Call of Duty: Black Ops
(Awesome game btw)
When I got really excited about the new crossbow they had in the zombie level... he asked me to marry him.
Literally... his response was...
"omg, Andi, you're the coolest chick ever. will you marry me?"
So when he asked me out a few weeks ago... I wasn't surprised and even though I wasn't interested at the time, I was oddly able to have a very open and honest discussion as to why I didn't think we would work.
Unusual for someone like me who HATES confrontation and awkwardness in any form whatsoever.
I explained to him that I thought he was great but that we are just way to different. I am almost always serious and extremely introverted..... and to top it off I am in many ways a "single at heart."
I loved my single life... a lot... and truthfully the thought of marriage, a relationship or even dating sounded incredibly overwhelming to me.... especially with someone who was basically the exact opposite of me in every way.
So... we left it at that and we continued to talk as friends...
and I stored that conversation in the back of my mind... just in case.
Then, the day before Thanksgiving I had one of those no good, horrible, awful days where everything went wrong and I didn't get sleep and was basically in a really crappy mood.
When I talked to Chris that evening and was complaining about my awful day and the sleep I didn't get and the cooking that had to be done before Thanksgiving dinner... he offered to come over and help. He brought peppermint hot chocolate and sat and listened to me vent about my no good, horrible, awful day.... He didn't joke the entire time and he showed a serious side that I had not seen from him before. He even stayed and helped me cook all of the dishes I had to make for Thanksgiving the next day. That evening after he left, I told my two girlfriends Helena and Kelly that I was reconsidering dating him and that I had invited him to BFF thanksgiving.
I wanted to see more of the serious Chris I had discovered that night... I wanted to give the "nice guy" a chance. And for the first time in my life I decided that maybe chemistry wasn't such a good thing to base a relationship on... maybe... just maybe some fires start small, right?
On Thanksgiving night he came over, brought the newspaper and we proceeded to sift through the ads and plan out our insane black friday shopping plans (all of which included a 3am start at kohl's and a failed, yet desperate attempt at getting a 40" TV at target). That night he asked me out again and I said yes. We spent the entire weekend together that week and the rest is pretty much history.
I mean really now... any guy who is willing to stay up all night with you and then proceed to go shopping with you and your girlfriend at 3am on black friday on no sleep... now that's a keeper.
The amazing thing about this whole process is that we still are very different from each other and that probably won't change. I still have moments where I think... "How in the world is this gonna work?!"
But the funny thing is that I'm not afraid at all. I don't think I've ever been so comfortable with someone in my entire life. I have a trust with him that is so foreign to me.... and yet so refreshing at the same time. I'm still getting used to the idea of being in a serious relationship but I think this is a big first step for me in figuring out whether I am truly meant to be single or married.
I can't guess what the future will bring for Chris and I, but I can promise that this journey will be quite a ride at the very least. :)
Posts
Oh Andi! This makes me so happy on the inside. He sounds like a good one. Good for you for taking a bit of a leap and giving it a go. Can't wait to hear more about him as time goes on. (also, COD? T would heart you.) (3am shopping with girls? Ya, he's definitely worth keeping around!)
ReplyDeleteI must say, T and I are completely opposite in nearly everything. And I've never been happier, more content and more loved.
He sounds awesome. Congrats.
ReplyDeletehow cool...my BF and I are pretty different in some aspects but have found enough in common it doesn't make a difference. it's hard because there is no rule book on all of this and when you stop doing what you had been doing with dating it is the craziest and weirdest feeling. you feel like it's not the right thing to be doing, but there really is no right or wrong way in all of this; just keep doing and feeling. got a little deep w-oops ;) lol
ReplyDeleteOh Andi, I'm with you all the way. All the way through the post, too. I, too, always fell for the chemistry and "the right" guy ended up always the loser. Seriously. One cheated on me, the other kind of left without notice and had his new gf call me saying she was his wife. Oh, the stories never end. But, with my now husband, my relationship was so easy. The entire time. I mean, no other word, other than easy. No second-guessing of intention, no mind-reading nights with my gfs wondering "what did he mean by that?" I also never thought it would work. I tried to break up with him a few times, too. We would break up and then get together. The rest of history. Deciding to get married was also like, "how the h*** am I going to do this?" but it's been just as easy. Of course, we have problems and arguments like any couple, personality quirks and can be worked out. I hope you enjoy the freedom to say what you want, do what you want and him still loving you anyway. That's the way to go! And the rest (sparks and chemistry and everything) will come from lots of respect toward him and his respect and unconditional love toward you! Yay! I'm happy you've found a guy like that - friend/boyfriend or otherwise! :) Happy Holidays, dear!
ReplyDeleteOh I'm so happy for you! This story is fantastic.
ReplyDeleteAmazing how people we meet can seem so different but really we're the same. My hubs is definitely more of an extrovert than I am, but we pull each other out and in -- now we almost always stay home on Friday nights and go out on Saturday nights so that we have balance.
And above all, how he treats me, how our relationship is one-on-one is perfect.
Congratulations!
Eddie is definitely an introvert... which is actually really nice. He's really sweet and kind of not what I expected either... this is going to be VERY interesting for both of us.
ReplyDelete