My slightly traumatic birth story.

My due date was June 8th and the week prior I had my membranes swept twice and two false labor scares with one trip to L&D that included us getting monitored and sent home. I had a ton of braxton hicks that felt very confusing as to whether they were true contractions or not. Turns out I was having mild contractions about every 10 minutes and just didn't really feel them. Around 11am on June 9th I started feeling like I was either slowly leaking amniotic fluid or peeing my pants. By 4pm that evening it had happened enough throughout the day that I emailed my doctor to ask if it was something worth checking in on. By 7pm or so I full on soaked my pants and decided it was time to call the on-call number for my clinic. The OB told me to go straight to L&D and sure enough my water had broken and I was to be induced that evening!

They started with two doses of cytotec pills, spaced 4 hours apart. I got my doses of ampicillin for being GBS positive. The contractions got stronger but were still irregular in spacing and intensity. At around 4am the pain started getting consistently worse and it was difficult because the contractions would stack together at times. We had also been battling with Bentley's heart rate decelerating all night. I couldn't lie on my back because his heart rate would dip down to the 70-90's so I was stuck on my left side and it was getting pretty uncomfortable. I made it to about 4-5cm dilated, -1 station and decided at that point to get the epidural so they could start the pitocin and really get things moving. They started the pitocin and eventually the decelerations became more severe, lasting longer and longer with each contraction. By 6am we had multiple people rushing in the room, flipping me from side to side, turning off the pitocin and giving me sublingual sprays of nitroglycerin to stop the contractions. I was having strong contractions that kept stacking which made the decels worse. I had a large amount of bloody show as well. In fact my whole bed was soaked with blood from the waist down. At that point they had called my OB and told her she needed to come in right away. When she got there I could tell by her face that it was getting very serious. She checked me and I was dilated to 7cm and as she is talking to me about my options his heart rate dips down and stays down. Mid conversation my OB looks at me and goes "No we need to do an emergency c-section now. His heart rate isn't coming up."

Within minutes my husband was throwing on scrubs and I was being wheeled into the operating room. Luckily the epidural was in place already so they just increased it to a full nerve block which had a slight complication and made my entire left side numb... but it was better than going under general anesthesia and being intubated. I warned the anesthesiologist that I had severe panic attacks during pregnancy when I felt short of breath and since the block makes you feel like you aren't breathing they pre-treated me with a little bit of versed which made me totally loopy but made the procedure totally bearable too.  I got sick during the section and ended up vomiting everywhere. Within 15 minutes they had Bentley out; he had the chord around his neck and was descending down the birth canal slightly crooked. He also had severe molding on his head (major cone head) which probably meant that my pelvis was too long and narrow for him to make it through.  During the surgery I lost about 800ml of blood which is a TON for a c-section. The next day they almost had to transfuse me with blood because my hematocrit dropped so low. Bentley was taken to the nursery with his dad. I got stitched up and sent to recovery where I continued to vomit everywhere. About 2 hours after birth I got to hold my baby boy for the first time and I sobbed uncontrollably. He was perfect and beautiful and I was so relieved to have him out of me and have him healthy.

 If I am really honest I feel like pregnancy and childbirth were the worst experiences of my life. I never want to go through it again. I can definitely say that my son is the best thing in my world though and I am SO SO glad to have him.

Shower for Baby A

This little one we were celebrating has already made her debut into the world. She is so incredibly precious and it is so funny to look back at these photos, which were taken recently and imagining the world without her in it. It was so fun to have a get together and celebrate this new life. :)

Congratulations Kelly!! 

January 27th

It has been one year since Chris and I got married. I have so many emotions about our anniversary. We have been through so much this year. Everyone told us that the first year of marriage would be the hardest.  I will say that we have been through a handful of things that have made this year challenging. I have no doubt that marriage is the most difficult thing I have tackled thus far.

We are lucky enough to be surrounded by amazing family and friends who have supported us and been there for us through this first year. I am so incredibly blessed with in-laws that I love just as much as my own family. I feel so at home with them and I could not imagine my life without any of them in it. 

If there is one thing I have learned this year about myself and about marriage it would be summed up in one word ...perseverance. Choosing to join my life with another human being has forced me to persevere through so much. When I was single I had the choice to run from and ignore a lot of junk within myself. Now that I am accountable to another person I have to reconcile all of these messy parts within myself. The moments when I don't feel like being considerate or gracious or loving I have to choose to think of the other person first. I have to choose to address the parts of myself that are selfish and defensive and just downright emotionally ugly. 

I know we have both struggled with learning to live with another person and adapting to the fact that your time is not solely yours anymore. It is shared with this other person who doesn't necessarily do things the way you would. We have had to figure out the balance of life together instead of life as a single person. 

We have survived job transitions, the loss of family members that were integral parts of our lives, and me starting school all in this first year. It definitely hasn't been easy...

but it has been absolutely the best thing I have ever committed myself to. This man that I married has made my life so much brighter, happier and full of love in ways that I never could have imagined if I had chosen to stay single. 

Marriage is the most sanctifying process I have ever endured. The love I receive from this man is one of the greatest gifts I have been given. The ways he fights for me and chooses to love me even in the midst of my mess ...it has not only been humbling but transforming in so many ways. I am so lucky to have someone so caring, loyal, patient, and strong. 

Chris, I love you more than you'll ever know and I can only hope to be the wife you deserve every day. Thank you for loving me in all the ways that you do. Thank you for always striving to be a better man. Thank you for being you. 

Happy Anniversary husband. Here's to many more. 

Wedding Post #2

We had our reception at a small restaurant called Nola. The food was delicious, the service was stellar and I couldn't have been happier with how laid back and fun it all was.

It was nice to be able to expand our guest list a bit more to include some of the people who couldn't come to the ceremony. A bunch of my favorite co-workers came and they are always such a blast.

The girls went crazy over the Mardi Gras beads... I still have a basket full of them at home.

Our favors were plantable paper hearts... seeds that are embedded in recycled paper that you can literally put in soil and watch grow into a beautiful mix of flowers. I hand stamped the envelopes and decorated each little flower pot with ribbon or adhesive borders from the Martha Stewart craft line. I still have yet to plant ours at home but I am excited to see how well it works.

 

 Our cake was a mix of layered Red Velvet with cream cheese frosting and chocolate cake with dark chocolate, hazelnut ganache. It was SO good.

This was my failed attempt at warning Chris not to shove cake in my face....

it obviously didn't work. Silly boy. He's lucky I love him so much.

The toasts were given by Ami and Chris' dad. We were given a beautiful wedding prayer by him that brought tears to my eyes. It was so touching and so thoughtful. I am thankful to be surrounded by so many people of faith and wisdom. I know our marriage will be better because of it.

So that's it. I am now a married woman. Who would have thought? Just a short time ago I was convinced that I would be single for the rest of my life. And while I think that life can be very well lived single or married... I am very glad that I met Chris and I am so thankful to be sharing my life with my best friend. 

<3

and we're back!

Hello Friends!

I'm officially back and ready ( I think) to start blogging again. Life has been full of a lot of stuff... for lack of a better word. There are many adventures to catch up on but as promised I will start off with a wedding recap post.

Let me just say that I think I am the luckiest girl in the world because I got my dream wedding. It was small and easy (in comparison to most weddings). It was fun and I can honestly say that the day was perfect and let's face it... how many brides can actually say that nothing... and I mean nothing went wrong on their wedding day?

I was lucky enough to have my wonderful friend Tenley Clark as a photographer and she did a phenomenal job... plus it was just fun having her around for the day. <3

The day started off a little rushed since we had to be at City Hall early in the morning and it is an hour away from our house but that was really the only slightly stressful part of the day. We even ended up getting to our ceremony appointment 30 minutes early!

 

I was lucky enough to have my bff Ami and her entire family in town which is quite a feat and it absolutely made the day. I consider them to be my family and I was so glad they could be there.

My shoes were awesome but probably the most uncomfortable things in the world... guess that's what happens when you order things online without trying them on first.

My family :) These are my girls and they truly mean the world to me. When Chris and I dropped them off at the airport at the end of the weekend I sobbed like a baby the entire way home. It was just so great having them meet everyone here in California and I loved creating such awesome memories with them here. Love them <3

San Francisco City Hall is absolutely gorgeous. People come from all over to get married in this building and I cant believe I was able to get married there for less than $100!

 The gang. Some folks are missing because they were out of town but I was so glad I was able to have my bff's from Cali there. The limit for city hall ceremonies is small... 6 guests only and we were able to sneak in 20! Sadly I had to really limit the amount of people we invited but I was so thankful for those that could come.

Mom and Dad. :) I am so lucky because I have the best in-laws ever. They truly are a godsend because I didn't grow up with a very strong family and in so many ways they have been such a blessing to me. I definitely feel very loved by Chris' entire family and am so thankful for that.

Our county clerk was so cool. He saw how many people we had with us and just goes "Ok everyone crowd around!" He was so laid back about everything... it made the whole ceremony fun and easy. That day there was a large group of school kids on a field trip and they ended up just crowding on the stairs behind us and watched the entire ceremony. When we turned around they all yelled out, "Congratulations Chris and Andi!!!" Later one of the little boys walked up to me and handed me a white rose. It was incredibly sweet and it were the small moments like those that made the day special.

Of course we have to give credit to the guy who introduced us... my old roommate Sam (who I miss dearly btw... so weird not living with him after all these years!)

 

I really can't believe everything went as well as it did... I am a lucky girl. I love being married and I have the most thoughtful, caring, crazy, loving husband in the world.  :)

Next post I will have pictures of the reception which was awesome as well. Happy Friday friends!